What is my calling?
June 2nd, 2026
I am 38 years old. That's almost four decades. Enough time to:
- Grow a forest: An acorn can become a towering oak tree.
- Carve the Earth: A steady river can visibly alter a canyon wall, or a beach can completely shift its coastline.
- Watch the night sky: Halley's Comet can visit Earth, zoom into the deepest corners of the solar system, and make it almost all the way back.
- Experience a cellular rebirth: Your body can entirely replace every single one of its cells nearly six times over. You are definitely not the same person your mother brought into this world.
I have seen many things, done many things, visited many places, met many people, and learned a lot. But one thing has always bothered me: I don't think I have ever figured out what my true calling is.
Granted, some people figure things out early on and know exactly what they are supposed to do with their lives, whereas others take a very long time to get there.
For example:
The legendary Alan Rickman only got his first major film break at 42 as Hans Gruber in Die Hard, later capturing generations as Severus Snape in Harry Potter.
The astounding Kathy Bates spent decades in theater before her screen break at 42, playing the unforgettable Annie Wilkes in Misery and winning an Academy Award.
The fantastic Ken Jeong was a practicing physician with an internal medicine residency before he finally got his big comedic break at the age of 38 in Knocked Up.
See, I mention them because I want to tell myself there is still time, even though I know their cases are one in a million and their talent is unique. But we can only hope, right?
I've been an actor. I've been in theater plays where people loved my performances and told me I was very expressive. That led me into all kinds of creative pursuits. I even participated in a stand-up comedy competition once—which I lost. Clearly, I'm not that funny.
And I always thought I would, one day, be a music star. I always dreamed I would be up on stage performing for crowds of people who loved whatever I had to offer them. But the farthest I got was performing in front of a hundred people, maybe, or playing in a marching band in front of enough people to fill a very large avenue.
I've played in bars, squares, museums, schools, studios, graduation parties, and various other venues. I truly wish I could have become a professional musician.
But life can be cruel sometimes. We all grow up, become adults, and discover we have bills to pay. Getting a "real" job pretty much kills many of our dreams. We work, and we don't have time for much else. Then you start a family, and you have even less time. By the time you stop to realize it, you are older, your hair is gone, and you have a large belly instead of big dreams.
I always wondered if music was really my calling. If it was, wouldn't I be doing something about it? I know people say it's never too late, and it really isn't. The question is... do I have the energy to make it happen this far in life? I look at my guitar, and we both wonder. Me, I feel tired all the time, and I think the guitar feels the same way sometimes. At least, it sounds like it.
Maybe it's just melancholy.